Dreams of a Distant Memory

A thousand thousand years I lived, and a thousand thousand more. Time lost meaning, and years made no sense. People were not meant to live as long as I did. The span of eternity blurs together, a meaningless mash of incoherent memories. But I always struggled. I wanted to keep living on in her memory. Even when I lost track of my footsteps, to me, it had meaning. I don't remember all of my life. People were not meant to live as long as I did. At some point, I only began to retain knowledge, and not memories. But that did not mean I had none. My family and my children. My wife and my brother. The group of misfits who accepted me. Our adventures together. Irreplaceable, cherished memories. Every time I sleep in this new, familiar world, I see them. Dreams of a distant memory.

"Elyn!" An echo of my beloved. I wash away in to the world of slumber, and remember. "Elyn! Are you okay? Have you been getting enough sleep?" Her face looks up at me, older than I remember, and even more beautiful. I yawned, and hugged her close before she could move away. "I'm fine, just a long night," I rested my head on hers, "but I wouldn't mind staying like this for a little bit. Feels nice." "I agree, but unfortunately we have an appointment, and then after that we're meeting up with mom, remember?" Key sighed, nestling closer, trying to savor the feeling. She pulled away soon after, "besides, we're still in public, so..." "Since when has that mattered?" I smiled teasingly, "if I recall correctly, there was that one time, at the water park, I lost my swimsuit top and--" "OKAY, that's enough of that," Key silenced me with a quick peck on my lips, "now please, get up and get ready? For me?" "Fineee," I twist and stretch in my seat, "but let's make up for it later, yeah?" "... Sebastian's rubbing off on you more and more these days. I thought I was supposed to be the flirty one," she shakes her head exasperatedly, before reaching out her hand. I take it, and stand up.

Happy times and a happy dream. I don't remember what our appointment was about anymore. I lived a long life. Far too long. I watched as our children grew, and their children grew, and their own children grew. I loved them all, and for each love, it meant an inevitable goodbye. How many farewells, how many tears, I don't remember anymore. But for all my children, grandchildren, and family thereafter... there was always one child I was more fond of than the others. I loved all my children, there was no question about that. But the child I was the most fond of wasn't even my own. "Auntie Elyn!!" The dream calls back to me, and I remember. A ball of energy rushes at me. I catch her effortlessly in my arms, hugging her tightly. "How's my favorite niece?" I grin at the young girl, freshly four years old just an hour ago.

The banners and streams of decoration across the room exude the energy of a birthday party. Knowing Sebastian, he wanted to make it even more grand, but thankfully, Aria was there to rein him in. Friends I haven't seen in many months and years all arrived before Key and I, and though I wanted to greet them, for now, my attention was on the bundle of joy currently in my arms. "How does it feel to be four years old?" I ask her, releasing her and ruffling her hair lightly, "feel any smarter?" "I don't feel smarter..." She pouts at me for messing with her hair, which was intricately weaved into a nice braid. Probably Sebastian's doing, "anyway, daddy told me we had to wait for you and sis before we had cake, so..." "Oh, so you were only happy to see me because of cake, huh?" I pretended to act upset, "and here I thought I was your favorite Auntie..."

"T-that's not what I meant, and you know it!" She continued to pout, hitting me lightly on the shoulder. Sheesh, I wonder who taught her manners...? The problem was there were two likely candidates, and both were her parents... "I'm just joking," I laughed, giving her another quick hug, "now go let your dad know we're here, and you can have your cake." "Okayyy!" She giggled and ran off, excited to finally be able to eat her cake. "What, no hello for me?" Key pouted at my side--the family resemblance is uncanny--but instead of hugging her, I give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I am the favorite auntie, after all." "And I'm her big sister. Beat that!" "Well, she did run up to me saying 'Auntie Elyn' and forgot about you because of cake, so..." "... Shut up."

Not long after, the crowd of friends and family begins to gather around the dining table. Word of cake and candles had spread around. Seated at the head of the table, a bright, toothy grin on her face as a classic ice cream cake is set before her. Sebastian placed 4 differently yet brightly colored candles into the ice cream, and quickly lights them up. The small flames reflect in the young girl's eyes, making it seem as though they were actually sparkling. "Thank you, everyone, for coming to my daughter's 4th birthday," Sebastian began to speak, arm lovingly placed around Aria's waist, "it means a lot to me that we always get together ever year for this. I know it can be hard to work it into your sche--" "Come on, daddy. Hurry up!" The birthday girl tugged at Sebastian's shirt, stars in her eyes. Evidently she wasn't listening to his speech. Sebastian laughed and patted his daughter's head. "One more minute, sweetheart," he tried to ignore her pout, and visibly struggled. Sebastian cleared his throat to signal that he was continuing, "as I was saying, I know it can be hard to work today into your schedules every year. But Aria and I are truly blessed to have friends and family like you all. Thank you for making it for another year. But I won't ramble. Our birthday girl wants some cake." With a quick glance around the room, an unsaid signal passed through and everyone speaks in unison. "Happy Birthday, Eve!"

The years went by, and time faded away. But I will always remember those days. Even in another world, and another time. I awake, knowing that another journey lies before me. But I remain steadfast. Bolstered. Strengthened. Because I know that though the waking world is filled with pain, the world in my heart is enough for me. I see them always. These dreams of a distant memory.

~End~

Sometimes I dream about a life I've never had. People and faces I've never seen, words and promises I've never shared. A dream is just a dream, I thought at first. But even though I can't remember them, these lingering feelings--this longing, nostalgic feeling--scare me. When did I start having these dreams? I don't remember. In some ways, i feel like that's even scarier. "Commander Isthill? Your orders?" Distracted as I am, I remember that I am still in the waking world. Sirens blare throughout the station. And though I know this is more important, I can't help but inwardly swear at my subordinate from distracting me from my... distraction. "O-oh, right... intercept the intruder. We have to retrieve the Blue Frame. If it comes down to it, I'll authorize destruction of the Blue Frame, but we can't afford to let that happen. Understood?" "Ma'am!" He salutes before leaving to carry out my orders. As I watch him leave, I retreat back into my own thoughts. Fading memories of my last dream linger. I try to hold on as tightly as I can. Even as they fade away into the darkest corners of my mind, I hold on. I chase after it, floating into the world of fantasy......... ...... ... Sometimes, I felt as if I was too blessed. That I wasn't allowed to be this happy. Thankfully, Sebastian and everyone always helped reassure me that it was okay. That I was allowed this happiness. "Mom? Dad wanted me to tell you that he's going to be a bit late. He forgot to buy some stuff for tonight's dinner," my daughter pops her head into the room, relaying to me my husband's message. "He's making carbonara, right? Your favorite. He can't afford to screw that up." "I can't help it, dad's carbonara is the best!" Eve licks her lips at the thought of dinner, "anyway, he just wanted to let us know." "Got it. Thanks dear," I nod, watching Eve slip back around the corner. Every time I see her, I can't help but be a little astonished at how fast she was growing. Already sixteen now...

...... ... Eve was now the same age Key was when everything started, back on the moon. That thought always made me pause, wondering where the time had gone. For that reason, I couldn't help but compare my own children. They couldn't be more different, and more similar, all at the same time. Both my children were geniuses. Indisputable prodigies. I'm so proud of them... but where Key was naturally curious and a born academic, Eve was not. Eve was... different. My brain was still stuck on the matter even when Sebastian had returned home and prepared dinner. Even as absent-minded as I was at the moment, I still managed to hold a conversation with Sebastian. Something about his discussion with Luzon Sr. about the Psycho Frame. I don't really remember the full details, I was so out of it. "He's this close to recreating the Psycho Frame without the power of the Apostles," he states animatedly, "if he manages it, it could help thousands of people with piloting and handling not just mechs, but all sorts of machines. But Luzon is stumped. The problem is..." I nod along absently, chiming in when appropriate, but it all sort of flies over my head. It should be interesting to me, I certainly understand what I remember of the conversation, but... "Hmm... well, hey, dad? What if Gramps tried doing this instead? Here, let me show you," Eve scoots over, pulling out a hard-light tablet to help explain what she was talking about. "Wait, so... you want to......... huh. That... that just might work..." Sebastian's eyes light up, not at all disturbed by how easily our daughter solved what seemed to be an excessively complicated problem. I know he's noticed, because I have. Eve wasn't the studious type. She was energetic, sociable and the type to move her body and engage with her peers. Her grades were good, but not to the point of being a genius. But now and then, she'd have these brilliant flashes of genius. Solve problems no one else could. Think of things no one else had.

Eve would even surprise my other genius daughter with these ideas. On the outside, it just seemed like Eve had a different way of thinking, someone who regularly thought outside of the box. But I just couldn't shake this feeling that was wrong. Eve had been... touched. By something. I don't know what. But Eve had a... power, that no one else had. It was as if she was pulling knowledge out of thin air. One time, I had asked her about it. Where she came up with her ideas. The only answer I received was a shrug, and a non-chalant, "I don't know, it just kind of popped into my head." I'm sure Sebastian's thought this too. He's frighteningly sharp. But he's never let it show, and always loved Eve unconditionally. Maybe he's just stronger than I am. I love Eve. With all my heart and being. But I can't help but be disturbed by this... "power", of hers. Because I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm the reason she has this power. And I'm scared of what that might mean. "Aria? Aria, are you alright?" Sebastian taps my shoulder. I struggle to refrain from jumping. His concern for me is crystal clear. "I'm okay. I'm just a bit tired. Not enough sleep, I think," I yawned, actually feeling quite fatigued. I look at Eve from the corner of my eye, and see her looking at me worriedly. I have to stop thinking about this. It's starting to affect my life. "I think I'll rest early tonight. Thanks for the dinner, dear, but I'm sorry, do you mind cleaning up tonight?" "No problem. Just get some rest. You've earned it," he gives me a quick hug, and I return his affection with a quick kiss on his cheek. I go to my room after, my head still a mess. Sebastian's last words are stuck in my ears. I know how he talks. He meant that in more ways than one. He always knew when I was feeling down. And he always knew just what to say to make me feel better. "I've earned my rest, huh..." I knew what he meant. I've done enough. I didn't have to worry anymore. I could rest now.

This was not the first time I spiraled in my own anxiety and thoughts. And every time, Sebastian was always there to pull me out. This time was no different. I lie down on our bed, repeating his words in my head, and letting them take over me. I've done enough. I could rest now....... ...... ... "I didn't know the famous Commander Isthill was prone to daydreaming in battle. But you're so beautiful, I'll keep this tidbit to myself," a smug voice wakes me from my dream. "You should keep your mouth shut, or I'll actually authorize use of destructive force," I growl at the most annoying face I've ever seen. "So, hey, I know this is weird and all, but what do you say to a dinner date? Tomorrow at six?" His ugly face appears on my mobile suit's monitor, and I resist the urge to punch it. I had launched in the Astray Red Frame, seeing that this mysterious intruder/pilot seemed to be too skilled for my men to capture without the use of excessive force. Taking the matter into my own hands, so to speak. The Astray Red Frame hadn't ever seen combat, but it was theoretically sound, so I figured what the hell. "Alright, I'm going to cut up that mobile suit into tiny pieces, orders be damned," I pull out the custom-made katana I had ordered for the Red Frame, "any last words?" "Just two: Sebastian Ferrore. That's my name. Remember it, yeah?" I bit back a curse as I charged at the Blue Frame. Even as it had only the bare minimum of armaments, the bastard still managed to avoid all my attacks. I chase and I chase, but steel does not hit steel. "Stay still damn you!" "Whoa, and the famous Commander Isthill is a hot-head to boot! You have a reputation for always being calm, was that just a lie? Or maybe... I'm your first?" He continues to grin at me through the screen. I really should turn it off. "And you're really, really annoying, you know that?" I grit my teeth. For some reason, this Sebastian really got under my skin. I don't know why.

"I don't mean to be annoying, but I only flirt with people I like." "I don't like you." "Well maybe we just got off the wrong foot. This is a terrible first impression, I get it. I'll make up for it next time, yeah?" Before I can respond, a beam comes at me from an almost blind angle. I barely dodge in time. "Sorry, I really am, but I got to get going. But my dinner date offer is still open. Just let me know and I'll be there," the Blue Frame retreats, and the smug bastard finally cuts off the communications between our suits. A Sancian ship appears out of thin air from the perimeter, and several mechs deploy from it to cover his retreat. We were outnumbered. There was no way we could chase after him and get the Blue Frame back now. That was the first and only time I ever lost to the man named Sebastian Ferrore. And the first time in so long that I could remember, that I did not think about my dreams.

...... ... Years later, on board the Nuada Not for the first time, I'm face-to-face with the person I least want to be with. We were both outsiders on this strange ship, so it wasn't too odd that we happened to stop and talk to each other. "So... it's been a while since we last saw each other in person. Almost a year, yeah?" His voice is still annoying, "weird situation for us to end up in though." "I'd say weird describes our relationship perfectly," I sigh, knowing I have to put up with him for now, "just don't... don't get any funny ideas. I'm still not going on any dates with you." "But I haven't even asked yet!" I hate that fact that his surprised face is cute, "... actually, I'm more surprised by the fact that you haven't threatened to kill me yet." "Don't tempt me. I've been thinking about it," I sigh again, "and besides, I..." "You... what? You can't just leave me in suspense like that!" Maybe it was the fact that he was younger than me, but his puppy dog eyes were strangely effective. "I... well, it's just the fact that I've been sleeping well, lately, I guess," I sidestep the main answer with the truth. "Oh... huh. I didn't know you had sleeping problems," he scratches the back of his head, "good to hear you're getting some rest, though. Hey, if you ever need some, I make a mean coffee. I'll be happy to whip up a brew, just for you." "... Thanks, I guess." He gives me a boyish grin, before leaving to get some lunch. Sebastian Ferrore. I hate that I don't hate him. I wonder why it is. That I forget about those dreams, only around him. With him, I'm able to rest peacefully. Like there's a distant voice in my ear, telling me I've earned it.

~End~